Cameron's operation will be weds 12Th April. I'm a little nervous and wish i had a crystal ball to see if we are doing the right thing or not.
I hate the way our life is controlled by cancer the advert on the TV is constantly playing saying today was not all about cancer !! I want to phone the number and say "Get real from the very first day we were introduced to the word cancer everyday has been about cancer !!"
Even on good days we think about it on Bad days its our every thought !!!
Cameron is starting to ask questions about the whys and hows of his illness and this is so hard to explain him - there are no answers there are no reasons and Cam struggles with this so much.
My other 3 kids are also starting to feel the strain now - for the last 12 months everything has been about Cameron and the others are now starting to force themselves into the limelight at a bid for attention. Its so difficult as a mom to acknowledge why they are doing this but to not be able to change it !! I want all 4 of them to be equals I want to be able to tell them that they all have the same amount of attention and i want to be able to assure them that at the end of every day I will be here to tuck them into bed but sadly I cant make promises i cant keep so instead we have to include them in this circus of uncertainty.
We have 206 days until we board a plane to Florida and then 14 days I can make them all those promises and I cant wait !!
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