In a reflective mood

New Shoes I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others' eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a mother who has a child with cancer.

Sometimes the Internet is the most awful tool to have in my hands - I read this poem earlier on a childhood cancer awareness site and its like somebody read my mind.
I have been in a funny mood all day reading peoples mother day messages on face book and comparing the presents they got against others and I just wanted to shout at each and everyone of them - you have all got the most precious gift of a healthy child and you don't you even realise it.
I did get a gift from my children this morning a small token of their appreciation but the best gift I could ever get is the gift of time - only others in my position will know how much my heart aches for the knowledge that we will always have time to do the things we want to do as a family. The gift I wanted this mothers day can never be bought - he has to be given and I'm unsure who I'm suppose to ask !!!

We have been talking a lot today about our trip Disney in November I love the way my whole family gets so animated and excited even though we have over 8 months to go!! I was sitting there talking when it hit me like a bolt of lightning that there is a real possibility that we wont be able to make it - Cameron is predicted to take 6 months to heal from the operation - takes us to September and then his infection needs treating which is 3 months protocol of I.V antibiotics which takes us sailing past our trip date!! I'M totally lost for words and have everything crossed that this does not happen again - 1 trip cancelled because of treatment was hard to take 2 is just cruel ! I'm really hoping that when we speak to the consultant on Weds that he will tell us differently and that the little chink of light at the end of the tunnel is still glowing bright by Thurs morning x