Yesterday was a real milestone for Cam we got him out of the house for the first time since his op - ok we promised a Harry Potter dvd if he came to find it but none the less he left the house and he did all the shopping with us even though his dvd was out of stock.
So today we thought we would build on yesterdays success and try and have a normal family trip to a shopping centre - we knew we had to come back with this darn dvd before Cameron exploded. keira was happy to come as soon as she knew we were also going to her beloved starbucks.
Where did it all go wrong ???
Well we first stopped off for petrol where some guy literally bypasses Wayne and I to ask Cam what he had done - stuck his head in the car and everything. Cam says nothing I have eye cancer and the guy cant retreat fast enough !! Then we get to the shopping centre to be met with everyone staring at us. I thought it was just me been hyper sensitive so I plodded on until Keira said in a real loud voice "Why is everyone looking at us?? Pick me up "
Wayne of course obliged and she buried herself in his shoulder even at just under 4 yrs of age she felt the atmosphere.
Next we decide to find the darn dvd get a quick drink and get out of there. HMV was fab - empty !!!
Starbucks however a different story - I have never in my life felt so uncomfortable really like a million eyes were staring in our direction. I felt like standing up and shouting " He has cancer for fucks sake give us a break he just wants a drink !"
But I didn't I sat still half fuming and half so close to tears it just was not good.
Throughout the many years of treatment that Cam has received this kind of behaviour from people has astounded me - Ill never be able to just shrug it off its so hurtful ! Im sure if people just stopped and thought for second they could make our day so much easier.
I remember when he first started losing his hair from the chemo that a lady stopped us and asked what had happened to his hair I told her i really didnt want to explain in the middle of sainsburys so she looked to Ben who at the time was only 5 and asked him what was wrong with his brother. Its like people accuse us of being such rubbish parents that we obv have let him come to harm when in truth we would do anything to change this.
Im really exhausted from our trip out for a dvd and coffee and just dont even know how to explain how upset I am that the world wants me to hide my beautiful son away like a freak.
Tomorrow is back to the hospital and im so incredibly nervous about this - didnt even have cake in starbucks thats how much my stomach is in Knots.We have never had 2 weeks of good news ever so heres hoping we are about to change the trend !
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